My Boyfriend Cried in Front of Me: What Does It Mean? - Mingleship (2024)

We live in a society that associates certain things with specific emotions. For example, crying has the connotation of sadness, grief, fear, and, most importantly, weakness of character.

So when we hear the word, we have an in-built image of expressing a lack of strength, especially if it is about a man crying over something in front of a woman.

This has resulted from a preconceived idea about masculinity that doesn't allow a man to cry. When a woman cries, we often feel sympathetic and take it as a usual reaction to pain. But things suddenly change to see a man shedding tears, and most of us condemn it vigorously.

I really don't know if people expect something beyond human out of a guy.

This is the essential part to remember that he, too, is a man of flesh and blood, with a heart that can not be taken for granted. And when it is broken, it hurts.

Your boyfriend has cried before you, and that means he is a normal human being who owns a heart that beats with emotions.

Then what is disturbing you?

Is it his act of crying, or is it the fact that he is a man and is not supposed to be soft enough to have a crying fit?

You are yet to get the answers to your disarrayed nerves. But worry less, as I have brought this carefully woven article to fill you in.

Open your mind to take in the light of knowledge.

Through my third eye

Growing up amidst the societal norms that teach us that men are born to hide and control their feelings, it's not easy to understand when a guy cries like a baby.

Anything that denotes tenderness doesn't go with the idealized version of male personality. They are thought to be rock solid, both physically and emotionally.

We are used to the terms like 'tough', 'strong,' or 'brawny' to refer to a man because we are raised with these outdated definitions of manliness.

I still hear parents telling their whimpering kids that boys don't cry. What they actually mean is that boys are not meant to bend. They are born to protect and play the role of saviors, and they can't afford to be soft-spoken and soft-hearted.

But my question is, do we live by these same ideals and still claim ourselves to be the most advanced and rational species in the world?

Strength or power is not confined to a particular gender. And it can possess numerous forms of which you might be unaware.

So when a man cries to his girlfriend, he seems like a misfit. Along with that comes a string of puzzling thoughts. What I believe to be true is that it has nothing to do with the manhood he is assigned to. Instead, it's a story of a lover's sentiments, which can only be addressed by his partner.

The following blog is formulated to provide you with the third eye that might alter your perspective of your boyfriend's reaction.

With this in mind, I have decided to illustrate and break the topic into its component parts, like

• Reading the language of tears
• Break the stereotypes and think straight to see the facts
• Times when crying is a cure
• Know how to reboot him

Reading the language of tears

Our inner feelings have a definite language to be communicated. Whether we laugh, cry, or sulk, they are the reflection of our emotional state.

Boyfriends are not alien creatures. They are just like any other ordinary being who acts and reacts according to their subjective experience and psychological disposition.

If they cry, that certainly has a long history of an internal stir. And I think your mutual trust and empathy can reevaluate his momentary instability.

The first step on the ladder will be to know the web of whys.

Count them off.

#1 With you, he has found his 'home.'

What do you call a home? A place that becomes your safe corner, your comfort zone. Where you can be yourself without having anyone to judge you or criticize you.

When I say that your partner finds his home with you, I mean it. I want you to know that you have been the address of his happiness, where he can pour his heart out safely and comfortably.

I can be the mouthpiece of guys who reckon their partners as the ones to whom they love to come back and stay for hours, just the way a traveler props up under the shade of a tree.

The words I said carry deeper notes of love and affection. It's your kind company that he seeks after all the roughness and harshness he goes through, and it's your affectionate touch that can pamper the child lying asleep in him.

That's why he never gives a second thought before bursting into tears in front of you. Because he knows you would understand, you would fling your arms around him instead of questioning his manly prowess.

Following the same context, when I visited online forums and read Quora discussions, I saw examples of women sharing the same story of their boyfriends crying before them to feel lighter that, eventually, stated as an act of trust on their girlfriends to offload the emotional burden.

It's not wrong to feel worried about your boyfriend. But as a sensitive partner, you must act with discretion not to hurt any of his delicate emotions.

Perhaps examples will be more helpful.

• Keep quiet for a while and look into his eyes that bear the signs of helplessness.

• Don't show pity or sympathy. Compassion will be the right emotion to treat him with.

• Tell him that it is okay to break down and that it does not demean his masculinity to let the tears fall.

#2 Be happy that he unburdened himself

He has cried a lot, and you are taken aback by his sudden outburst.

But is it really sudden?

Are you sure he hasn't it all buried in himself for all these years? Probably, his teary eyes are triggered by a small incident or memory that acted as the driving pin.

The word 'outburst' itself has a suggestion of something held back so far. That is why it needed an impetus for erupting like a volcano. Maybe he has got you to trust with his brooding mind and felt like opening his heart bare.

Tears are the safety valve of the heart when too much pressure is laid on it." - Albert Smith

I second Albert Smith, who has defined tears as the mode of voicing feelings laid back into the heart of an individual for a prolonged period.

When men who generally wear a mask of bravado fall to their knees and start crying, it's a no-brainer to understand that he is staying on the edge and can't contain the weight of anguish anymore.

It might be like a shocker for you because you have never seen him this way. But see beyond what you can, to the shabby room of his where he was all alone, and be happy that he has finally let out the burden, too heavy to drag down.

So what will be the next step?

• Talk to him like a friend and know what is tearing him up.
• Encourage him to feel free and do whatever makes him lighten himself up.
• Admit that you are happy that he could unburden himself to you.
• Help him to relax for a moment, and motivate him to see the brighter sides of life.

#3 His dark past is on the loose

Our past is not always pleasing enough to spark nostalgia. It can be haunting and nauseating too. We have to silence them in order to go on with our daily chores.

It's been proven that when we go through a stressful hour or an ecstatic moment, that dark past starts to come to the surface and torments our composure. That's when we have an emotional meltdown and react vehemently.

Some people lash at their loved ones, while others cry bitterly. It's purely a psychological blow-up that should be handled with care.

I have a very personal experience in this regard. One of my batchmates during my early twenties had a disturbed childhood with his parents getting divorced and spending his days with his aunt.

Afterward, he became a successful entrepreneur by dint of his hard work and thought he had made peace with his past until the day his partner was moving away.

He had a serious nervous breakdown in front of his partner. It was a very important day, and I knew he was fighting back his tears. But finally, he gave away and broke into pieces, mentioning his past life and pleading with her to stay back.

Men usually struggle to restrain themselves in their most vulnerable moments. Just like my friend, maybe your partner felt too powerless to ward off his salty liquid emotion and wanted to free himself from a bitterness he hardly spoke to you before.

To reason his act, which seems strange to you, you must consider a few things

• Do you know what his past could be like?
• Have you ever talked to him before regarding his former life?

• Does he try to avoid the subject leading to his previous phase of life?
• Are you familiar with his friends and family?
• What is his usual temperament? Is he calm, short-tempered, or light-hearted at other times?
• How does he respond when you bring up his past life in the conversation?

These are crucial things to have clarity about because once you learn the background of his personal life, you can put two and two together and spell out the unlikely reaction.

#4 Is it for his misdeed that he feels sorry?

Have you counted this in?

I am not talking nonsense, my dear. Some guys express their remorse through their tears. And they are, undoubtedly, sincere.

Although I don't know what he should be sorry for. Being the other half of the coin, you must figure out whether something was left unaddressed, and probably, you always expected a 'sorry' from him.

I can share two different situations to ease up your understanding.

First, when your boyfriend does something awful and outrageous to leave you dumbfounded, and he realizes he has crossed his boundary as a partner, his guilt streams out in the form of an outpour. He genuinely asks for forgiveness, and needless to say, his tears are not forced.

In the latter case, suppose he has misbehaved with you or somehow made you upset. To play the safe side, he didn't discuss it later, nor did he show the marks of shame.

As a result, he receives a stone-cold reaction from you. Getting sick of your unusual self, he steps forward and feels apologetic, embarrassed, and ashamed. Most guys yield to this situation and cry as a sign of their realization.

In either of these two instances, what should be your immediate response?

• Don't join him and cry along.
• Don't be too rude and distant.
• If he is genuine, give him a chance to repent and learn.
• Be considerate of his honest confession and, therefore, do not stretch it to make him feel worse about himself.

#5 Are you the one to hurt him?

The scenario can be reversed when you are the one who had mistreated him, and he cannot wipe out the memory so quickly.

This has been a major issue with several guys who are emotional and touchy and cannot let slip the experience of injustice or misconduct meted out to them.

I can say this with conviction because I fall into this category of men who fail to cope with unfair treatment, especially from their loved ones.

I had a series of examples from my personal life when I had trouble sleeping, with such moments flashing back to me, reminding me how badly I was spoken to when I hardly deserved it.

This may sound funny, but I have cried a lot in front of my girlfriend, being unable to deal with my restless mind that couldn't accept the punishing memories of her hurtful words.

And you know what causes us to feel so hurt? To cry?

Because we have an expectation that our partners can never be like others who fail to see our worth.

Perhaps this is the trickiest part of emotions that push us to trust our beloved so unrealistically that we cannot differentiate between expectation and reality.

Your boyfriend might be one such idealistic fellow who gets easily hurt and, unfortunately, expresses it this way by shedding pitiful tears to communicate that it's still hurting him.

Now that you have heard so much about his romantic nature, I would ask you to do a damage repair. You don't have to cross the oceans for that. A little humble gesture would suffice.

• Say a heartfelt sorry that won't be for the sake of saying only.
• Take him to your arms the moment he has tears in his eyes.
• Acknowledge the reason why he loses his mind.

#6 Is he playing with your mind?

This possibility can't be dismissed if you are the kind of person who can be convinced and influenced easily. In that case, he knows well that his tears will trick your mind into believing his words.

This will be a blanket statement if I say that all men are manipulative or all girls are pushovers. But considering that you are possibly a woman with a gullible nature, I can add the chances of your boyfriend shedding false tears to serve a purpose.

Guys use this ploy to women whom they find easy to soften. Indeed, there are women who suffer to see others in pain, and when they see their partners being in a similar condition, they cannot sit back and relax. They just fall prey to their mischievous acts and relent to them.

It's a controlling tendency among a lot of guys who use their crying method to play the victim.

For example, if he has an urgency to coax you into doing something that you don't want to do, he will wear an expression of feeling ached with welled-up eyes to establish the fact that you are being ruthless and insensitive to him.

And if he has a history of physiological issues, no wonder that will be like a cherry on top. As a matter of course, you will be mellowed down to see him distressed and his feat has been achieved.

This is nothing but a cunning act where he uses the performative tears to get what he pleases.

So, how would you get away with it and detect his manipulation?

• Look at his actions rather than the flood of emotions.
• Pay attention to his past deeds and whether you have been gaslighted by him before.
• Be minute about his tone and mark them as a red flag if they are an open display of threats or blame.
• Consider the phrases he uses during his crying spree. If they make you a target directly or indirectly, you can be sure of his deceiving character.

Break the stereotypes and think straight to see the facts

As we have discussed before, our brains are conditioned to believe that men symbolize strength and sturdiness. This has been in vogue for centuries and anything unlikely challenges the rituals of society.

A very ordinary and straightforward demonstration of emotional tumult is to cry, yet our conventionalized perception refuses to take it as one and tries to draw a gender-based dichotomy.

Why should girls have all the tears?

Let's save it for everyone who is writhing in pain.

Come and get the new aura of light.

#1 It doesn't mean he is a coward

What do you understand by hearing the word 'coward'?

I know most people will stumble on this question and take a couple of minutes to frame a credible answer.

Well, I can precisely do it for you. 'Coward' refers to a person who is easily threatened by the thought of danger and doesn't dare to face adversity. In short, a weak individual who gets easily intimidated by the possibility of risk.

Did you find any concrete connection between crying and a cowardly act?

I guess Johnny Depp has cited a profound example to prove that crying does not indicate a weakness of personality, rather, it is the trait of those who are strong and courageous.

This indisputably aligns with my belief that crying is a brave act of showing up and celebrating an emotional revolution. In no way does it characterize a weakling who lacks moral strength.

Why do I call it a sign of strength?

Because men who can cry, regardless of their gender, choose to break the conventional taboo and have the guts to care less about others in expressing their natural emotions.

#2 It is not always a melodrama

People often relate a crying gesture to a feminine attribute. This sprouts from the very same conception of men being the tougher part of the community and women being the delicate ones.

It is, therefore, considered absurd that guys can be affected by inner turmoil or they can ever feel like letting go of their repressed frustration.

Despite the fact that it's as natural as laughter, men are often told to hide their emotional upheaval. So, a fear of tears works powerfully, even in the face of overwhelming grief, and they have to swallow the teardrops to emerge as a quintessential strong man.

If your man is crying for some reason, it must have seriously damaged him so much that he had no other option but to vent it out. And it's not a part of the emotional drama that people love to call it.

A guy who knows that his simple action will not be seen in a favorable light and will possibly be ridiculed by everyone and still ends up sobbing must be deeply impaired and couldn't hold it back.

As his companion for life, you must learn to separate between a melodramatic reaction and a genuine expression of sorrow.

There are means to observe that.

• Is he an over-expressive guy in responding to every emotional stimulation? If yes, it won't be abnormal to cry his eyes out in front of his girlfriend.

• Is he a stiff-necked fellow who can go to any extent to get things done? Because stubborn guys can sometimes act dramatic to serve their own interests.

• Do you want to describe him as a reserved one? If he is one, you must take it as an unadulterated reaction, as people like him do not easily surrender to misery and weep. It must have been too overpowering to restrain himself.

Times when crying is a cure

A mind that is plagued by heartaches and loneliness craves a window to unload the heaviness. In an abrupt and unexpected way, tears rise and roll down the cheeks, and we feel better.

I personally feel that when we cry, we let ourselves have the opportunity to move forward, to cure ourselves of the heaps of traumatic memories and harmful energies.

If you wish to see the benefits of crying, here they are in the below.

#1 It is weighing him down

I have talked to a group of people who live through tremendous stress and grapple to sustain the strain left with themselves. Gradually and uninvitingly, they feel bogged down by a constant demand to balance and stay unscathed.

Whether I want to state it or not, the truth is that it upsets their equanimity and weakens their physical health. They get fed up with the surrounding noise of emotional forces, and become easily reactive to the smallest things.

Either they are reduced into a machine who has no emotions, or they give in to a frenzied explosion while interacting in his close circle.

Emotional burnout is visible when we reach the brink of the ledge. The unbridled flow of tears, under such circ*mstances, comes to the rescue.

We cry until the innermost bleakness finds its way to ooze out. The stony lump stuck in the throat finally melts into the droplets, liberating us of the lousy weight of anxiety and all the ailments.

Everyone needs a recovery from all those forces that do their appalling bit to weigh him down. Sometimes, crying facilitates the cure in a positive way, and he feels relieved, relaxed, and refreshed to make a new start.

At this point in time, help him restore his willpower by saying a few motivating words like:

• 'O darling, you don't have to feel upset about anything as long as I am with you. Remember, no matter what happens, I always have your back. And I'm always here.'

• 'My baby, you need not worry if you ever feel like crying. I know my man is a strong one, and so no tears can ever break that belief.'

• 'Come on dear, now don't look down because you have cried before me. I know you are stressed, and it's good to shed some tears.'

#2 He has suppressed emotion for long

From my own life and the people I came into contact with, I catch the bottom line that men who usually speak less and are guarded about their feelings hardly manage to cry, even though there are valid reasons.

They grow a cocoon around themselves and prefer to bottle up things for a long time. What may strike you most is that they never share much about their personal issues or challenging emotions. And this is how they decide to play a lone hand to fight their inner battle.

In trying to stay unfaltered, they continue with their efforts to camouflage and conceal the scars, the slights, and the excruciating agony they have suffered alone.

If you keep a keen eye on the pattern, you will find that these people cry the hardest when they do so, and it takes them long to control their tears and return to their composure.

Provided, your partner is one of these guys, to cry is like an emotional respite for him. It's a healing phase when he releases the dark sides and gets to process them, just like a relief therapy.

All this means that he had a mound of unstated sighs so far that required an intense discharge.

#3 It's a sign that he needs you

Guys don't always feel comfortable or expert in framing words to communicate their helplessness. And we are not gifted enough to see through their ulterior facades.

So, sometimes it's necessary to cry a bit to let others know that you are not well. Don't forget that he didn't go crying around his other friends or dear ones. It's only you to whom he couldn't stop his tears from coming down.

You can't ignore the state of need in your partner, who probably cannot state that at once but wants your support, your help like hell.

See, this is a very sensitive situation, and none but you can give him the shoulder to cry on and make him feel reassured.

Taking a step forward will be like a silent pat to affirm your immutable presence whenever he needs you. Hence, don't make a mistake in paying attention to the alert sign latent in his grieving fit.

Let him calm down, and then try to know his mindscape by asking about his life and well-being in the following manner:

• 'Is there anything you think you can share with me? You know, I won't hesitate to go out of my way to help you, right?'

• 'Does it feel good to see you in tears? It's killing me because I don't know exactly what is tormenting you this much. Please tell me what is on your mind.'

• 'Is everything okay with your job and family? I can't help worrying about your reaction. You can always share if there is anything wrong with your personal or professional life, darling.'

Know how to reboot him

A loving partner cannot rest happily until their significant others are off the hook. Seeing him in trouble must be getting the better of you in every way.

As a couple, it's time you acknowledge each of your roles to make the other feel complete. If one is sad and morose, the other must take the initial steps to hold out their hand of affection.

As I near the last part of this dialogue, I would like to end it on a happy and hopeful note by exploring how you can reboot him.

Stay with me.

#1 Trust his tears and be his silent listener

He has trusted you with his most intimate emotions. Now, it is your turn to trust him back, to remove his fears, and stay empathetic.

Men are seen having tears in their eyes on many tragic occasions, like the demise of a very close person or a personal loss that may concern one of his friends or family members, and even sometimes remembering something that arouses a sting of depression.

When they are alone with their partners, the memories of that person crowd back into their heads in the middle of a conversation regarding him or her. As a momentary outburst, they see they are crying.

Almost an identical incident caught my eyes as I was flicking through Reddit stories where a girl provided a vivid description of his boyfriend who broke down in her presence and later her patience, love and consolation helped him regain his sanity.

Listening is the best part when a man is willing to expose his deepest self to you. So, listen. Not to reply, but to hear him say what might be charged with his deep-seated emotions.

In exchange, you may add terms like

• 'I'm so sorry to hear that, darling.'
• 'I can fully understand how hard it was for you to withstand this.'
• 'If you wanna talk, I'm here to listen to you.'
• 'Would you grab a cup of coffee, walk around and talk about it?'

But you must not be persistent in questioning him. Remove a few items from the phraseology for this particular state, like:

• 'Don't cry.'
• 'Be a man and stop crying.'
• 'Strong men do not cry.'

After all, it is the warmth of your words that might have the potential to cool him down.

#2 Love him hard

A boy who has the courage to accept his own vulnerability is a real strong man. If he shows the nerve to think beyond the obvious and doesn't try to act like a superhero, trust me girl, he is the one for you.

Love him harder than ever. Cherish his ordinary yet not-so-ordinary qualities with pride and console him with all your heart.

By showing the most compelling emotions to you, he simply manifested his faith, his dependence on you and you have to look after them with utmost care and love.

How to showcase your feelings is based on his preferences and the context of this given act. But I can prompt a bucket of common gestures. For example:

• Open your arms to hold him close.
• Hug him and gently stroke his head with your hand.
• Give him a dainty kiss on the forehead.
• Do not interrupt him while he is on the flow.

#3 Let it come and cleanse his soul

Your man is not a loser to let his tears take shelter in his lady. Welcome it. Let it wash away all the stains of negativities and hardships. Let the catharsis take over and cleanse his soul.

Shedding a good few tears liberates the emotional debris waiting to be set free and hits the reset button to start afresh.

To reiterate the words of R.W. Emerson, I may say that like a heavy rain of relief after the dark patches of cloud, the purgation will purify his spirits and begin a new chapter.

Hold on to the minute until he feels placid and collected. Sit beside him and live the moment together.

Tips

• Being patient with your partner is always like a dose of comfort. Therefore, when he is in a state of breakdown, don't walk away and wait for him to revive.

• Give him time and space to fix his inner whirlwind if you can sense it will help him.

• Do not be inconsiderate to his feelings or laugh it off. It will hit him like another blow of humiliation.

• Offer your empathy, support, and company when he is susceptible to a collapse.

• Try not to impose pressure on him for knowing the details. Allow him the freedom to choose the right moment to talk.

• Don't show you are puzzled or shocked because that can arouse a feeling of inferiority or shame in him.